Important things to say

"I'm a doctor, Mummy."

She is wearing a green sweater/cardigan/shrug thingy, a green ruffled sleeveless blouse, a flowy pink top with spaghetti straps as a skirt, striped capris length leggings, leg warms tied around her ankles, and pink rubber clogs. Oh, and a scarf tied around her waist.

"Why are you a doctor?"

"Because I am. Now I'm going to go swimming naked and then put it back on when I'm done, because I'm a doctor."

It is hot outside and even hotter inside.

Mary, age 6 3/4


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(From the bathroom, while pooping)

"HEY DADDY! Do you want to give one of my toothbrushes to the Phillipines because they hardly have any there!?"

Thomas, age 5

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"If you don't let me have two candy things... I will cry!"

"Do you want one of the little chocolate bars?"

"The only thing that will make me happy is one of the other candy things."

-Thomas

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Cam, 5: "Mommy, if you don't get me what I want I'm not going to be good. But that's your choice."

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"And guess what, Mary? We also get no water park, no fun, and no trampoline. Just cleaning. Clean clean clean."

-Thomas

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"Look! I'm as tall as your nipple!" (Shouting) "Everybody look! I'm as tall as Mom's nipple! Hooray!"
Gwen, age 5

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Thomas: Well, you don't know everything, Mary!

Mary: No one does!

Thomas: Except God. God knows everything, because he made everything, so he knows about it.

Mary: Yeah... and 1 + 1 should equal 11.

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Mom: How about you finish tidying up?
Gwen: How about you stop talking to me?

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After dropping various items several times, Gwen was frustrated.  In fine sarcastic form, she shouted:
"REALLY?  How about I just drop everything in the world right out of my hands?  That would be AWESOME.  NO IT WOULDN'T."

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Evelyn: Look it, Mommy! I make it!
Mom: What did you make?
Evelyn: Poison!

Evelyn, age 23 months

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"Umm, Daddy? Do we have any bacon?"

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After giving my kids some lemonade I asked:
Mom: Que se dice?? (What do you say?)
Sophia, 8: gracias (thank you)
Adrian, 3: cheers!

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Mom: "Sam, put that way! We don't want to see that! Pull up your pants!"
Sam, 3: "EVERYBODY WANTS TO SEE IT!"

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Cam, 5: "Mommy, remember--the most important part of my costume is the horny hat. DON'T FORGET THE HORNY HAT. And it doesn't have a point, it has a HOLE."

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Mary: "Daddy, if you lost a bit of weight you'd just look pregnant."

We came for a prescription...

At my doctor's office.

Literary Geeks

So it's cool to be a geek, I get it, especially if you're a girl. It's a new feminist wave, getting girls accepted in geekdom circles. Gamer girls are hot. Let's encourage girls in STEM (science technology engineering math... I think), and blah blah blah. I'm all for encouraging empowerment for people who have long been underdogs.

There are several problems with this. It's ignoring boys completely. Boys apparently don't need to be encouraged to explore STEM. Boys dominate geekdom. But what about encouraging boys to embrace fields normally dominated by girls? I'm not about getting kitchen set toys for boys, I'm talking career path.

All I ever wanted to study was books. I liked to read. I'm not even that literary. There are certain periods of literature I can't stand. And I hate poetry. But I like to read. This has long been the bastion of girls. Bookish wallflower girls. This is not trendy yet. But you know what else? No one thinks it's nearly as important to push boys as hard into girl-dominated fields as it is to push girls into boy-dominated fields. I tried googling this issue... nothing much came up.

Eventually I came across this: How to Raise Boys That Read.

The article touches on something that has always bothered me. It's cool to use comic books to encourage kids to read. If you look in the YA section, a good 75% of the novels are in the fantasy/paranormal genre. Twilight exploded teenage reading. But Thomas Spence brings up another good point - the gross out factor. That's the newest gimmick to encourage boys to read. Captain Underpants. The Day My Butt Went Psycho. Sir Fartsalot Hunts the Booger. Because really? If those are the options for my boys when they learn to read, I'd rather they just go back to playing with sticks and collecting boxes of junk, because those skills will get them farther in life.

When I was a kid, I was a big fan of Nancy Drew. These are no literary masterpieces, but Nancy taught me to be observant, think critically, and try to help people. She was polite, well spoken, and dressed neatly. I've never read a Hardy Boys book, but I imagine they're similar. I read a but of Judy Bloom. I read Babysitter's Club. I read Little House. But then... I'm a girl. But then... why the hell can't boys read Judy Bloom and Baby Sitter's Club? Because society is still telling boys that things girls are traditionally interested in are lame. Why? Because we're putting all this time and effort into helping girls break in to traditionally male-dominated territory under the theory that it's superior. What if it isn't?

Babysitter's Club? I learned about entrepreneurship, friendship, and childcare (albeit questionable - what sort of parent sends they're 4-year-old out on a sail boat with a 13-year-old for the day?). God forbid boys develop an interest in caring for children. Why can't boys read Ramona and learn about periods and how girls react to getting them? Is it a secret?

There's a whole series of books I fully plan to get my daughter: Our Canadian Girl. Where's Our Canadian Boy? Or just Our Canadians, with stories about girls AND boys. Because you don't hear a lot of men talking about their childhood interest in Little House and Anne of Green Gables. You know what you learn about in Little House? A whole shit ton of historical detail about 19th century family life that fueled my passion for history that still exists. Why the hell wouldn't boys want to read the entire chapter dedicated to Pa building a door with no nails?

Here's my other beef. Reading (and writing) is never trendy. Geeky things are trendy. Sports are always encouraged. You can get scholarships for science and tech and sports and business. You know what you can't get scholarships for? English. As a teenager, I was interested in reading and writing. That's about it. This still isn't trendy. There's no cult following. It isn't hot to be in a book club. There's no controversy about gendered involvement because no one cares. One of the new feminist fights is gaining acceptance for girls and women into the male-dominated geek culture. If people actually cared about reading, I mean really cared to the point that it was trendy, you wouldn't see boys and men getting excluded from books clubs. Karen Joy Fowler has a novel called the Jane Austen Book Club. Six people form the club, one of them a guy. Austen is very firmly chick territory, but Grigg reads the novels critically and finds things to enjoy about them.

But reading for the sake of reading isn't cool. We're supposed to encourage kids to read read read so they'll be literate enough to read their science text books. Why can't we encourage them to read so that they themselves will be good storytellers? You know what else I learned from reading. Decent grammar. You know who had shitty grammar and spelling? My non-reader friends. You know who flunked first year English at university? Non-reader students from the engineering and business departments taking their English requirement. You know who didn't flunk? Me, because I'd developed critical thinking skills (as well as decent grammar and spelling) by reading.

So, how do I go about making reading and writing the next "it" thing? Because I want all three of my kids to be readers, and I want them to be reading rock stars in the same way girls in STEM are rock stars and boys who excel at sports are rock stars.