Dorks, geeks, and nerds... oh my!

Dork
December 11, 2010 Urban Word of the Day
Someone who has odd interests, and is often silly at times. A dork is also someone who can be themselves and not care what anyone thinks.
(urbandictionary.com)
dork
noun
1. Slang. a silly, out-of-touch person who tends to look odd or behave ridiculously around others; a social misfit
(dictionary.com)

There are various negative definitions floating out there, but my theory is that they're perpetuated by people who view odd interests and social awkwardness as negative character traits. I don't. Virtually all the definitions are the same, just with a different bias attached. I have odd interests (as Laura discovered, for example, when I pointed out that her husband was a dead ringer for Prince Daniel of Sweden... how did I know this?). I'm most definitely socially awkward. This is why the vast majority of my friends are ones I met on the internet, and why most of my real-life friends do most of their communicating with me through some sort of technological means. We're dorks! And nerds! And geeks! And there is nothing wrong with that.

If there is some sort of implication that the word "dork" is comparable to other derisive words like "retard" or "gay" ... well, that's just not the case. We'll start with the r-word. It started its life as any other word and refers to something that is slower or has delayed development. It has been used in automotives, engineering... and in medicine and education. It was not derogatory when it was used as a medical term. Someone who was mentally retarded had a developmental delay. Unfortunately, because society in general viewed that as being lesser than it naturally became an insult. I remember the special ed classroom being referred to as the "retard room" in school and knew it was slang but the term wasn't all that discouraged. What has happened to the word now? Well, it's almost as bad as the n-word in that many people don't even like writing it out. But it's an infectious little word that's still in the vocabulary of many, many people and is used to describe things, people, and situations that are silly, inept, or unwise. You know, because people with developmental delays are silly, inept, and unwise. It is not used with a positive slant.

Then there's gay. This one's a bit different. Gay meant happy. It could be used as a woman's name without inviting scorn. My elementary school principal's name was Gay. Umm... yeah, that invited scorn. I'm guessing (haven't looked it up, can't be bothered) gay came to be applied as a general term for homosexual people (usually men, but not always) because a lot of gay people are pretty damn happy and flamboyant. I know some! So usage on this word is currently split. You can easily refer to homosexual men as gay without it being derogatory. But when you refer to a thing, person, or situation as "gay" because they're doing something silly, inept, or unwise, you're connecting being homosexual with a negative connotation.

Now there's dork. It started in the 50s as a slang term for penis (not whale penis, that's urban legend), extended into the 60s as a derogatory term for a socially inept person. It has never been used as anything but slang. What happened is the context. Dorks? They got jobs. They met and married other dorks and had dorky children. They found each other and played Dungeons and Dragons and went to Society for Creative Anachronism events. Then the internet was invented and it was dork central. And you know what? All those dorks weren't really embarrassed about being dorks anymore. You can't insult a dork by calling them a dork. In social contexts now, it's a term of endearment.

A person who is insulted by the term dork should ask themselves... do they put a negative spin on being socially awkward and having odd interests?

Because I don't. I have a lot of odd interests. I think European royalty is fascinating, and thus I was able to point out to Laura/adequatemom that her husband is a dead ringer for Prince Daniel of Sweden.

Eye candy for dorks: Prince Daniel of Sweden

I can tell you what to call a duke and his younger brother, too. That's a pretty odd interest, and  bringing it up in conversation is rather socially inept, because most people? Don't care. And neither do I. I mean, I don't care if they don't care. I think it's interesting.

This rant stems from... well, a few different things, but most recently, an internet friend I've known for over 10 years posted a video on Facebook.

Alex was a dork when he was a scrawny 13-year-old trying desperately and unsuccessfully to hang out with the big kids (or, be fully accepted into a group of online writers who wrote in just about the dorkiest of dorky genres) because he was socially awkward EVEN ON THE INTERNET. Fast forward to the age of Facebook and I reconnected with a grown-ass man in law school with facial hair who dressed pretty damn good. There was a disconnect. He's since graduated and has given me free legal advice on one occasion. He is employed in a respectable profession. He's politically active and delightfully liberal. He does cool things like travelling, skydiving, scuba diving and clubbing, but also dresses up all fancy for formal occasions in suits and ties (Facebook stalker, I am). He did the running of the bulls! But where did the dork go? I've been wondering this since reconnecting. This commercial, my friends. The dork went to this commercial. He is the main singer/rapper.

Phew! I was getting worried. The dork is alive and well. Here, with permission, is something I'm calling evolution of the dork:

Age 14ish. I know, he doesn't look that socially awkward. But TRUST ME. This kid? Spent hours every day on the internet writing... oh God, I'm going to say it... online soap operas. And? He managed to be the dorkiest of us all. This kid morphed into this:

A self-described "frat douche." Yep, that's about accurate.

But then this happened.

Huh? What? That's facial hair. And a bit of salt and pepper at the temples. Seriously? Kinda hot. And employed. In a decent job.

OMG it's Prince Daniel of... Persia? This dude certainly ain't Swedish. (also? I cropped a super adorable newborn baby out of this photo, a niece or nephew)

Oh, but in case you forgot, the inner dork is still there:

He apparently has similar tastes in reading material!

Alex is 28 and currently lives in the Los Angeles area and dorkily describes himself as "seriously I'm like single and ready to mingle." During this conversation, I finally got the answer to a question that's been plaguing me for well over 10 years, and I was vindicated. Despite vehement denials and dramatic flip-flopping as a youth, Alex is looking to date other BOYS (although apparently will consider girls from time to time).

(And incidentally, this is the second time in the last month a guy has requested I help him find a date... the other one is a straight 39-year-old construction worker in the Nanaimo area, if anyone's interested)

Back to dorks. And geeks. And nerds. Language evolves and changes. Dork may have started as a pejorative, but it's been reclaimed. Queer has been reclaimed and embraced by the LGBT community. Dorks, geeks, and nerds? I refer you to the following:

• Glee
• Big Bang Theory
• Freaks and Geeks
• My So Called Life
• That 70s Show
• Revenge of the Nerds
• American Pie (the movies, not the song)

Those are the shows about dorks, geeks, and nerds. Glee? Glee is ALL about embracing your inner dork/nerd/geek and celebrating being different. Fans proudly calls themselves Gleeks. And they're all upset because head Gleek Cory Monteith/Finn Hudson has just died. I'm... disappointed. Check in with me when they inevitably run the goodbye episode. I will be bawling my eyes out. Because I'm a dorky Gleek, and I wish to hell there was a show like Glee when I was in high school (except half the popular kids were in band and drama, so...).

Enh, it's late so I can't do a decent conclusion. Here's some random stuff.

A book recommendation for Laura: Into the Wild Nerd Yonder: My Life on the Dork Side by Julie Halpern
The review recommends it for dorks, but especially "crafy dorks!"

Apparently we are in "the golden age of the sexy geeky leading male" in film.

There is a series of books for junior dorks called Dork Diaries.

Finally, Laura requested I add this picture of Prince Daniel of... Canada.

More eye candy for dorks.

It's a dork in a skirt! Laura is hopelessly in love with his dork, who helped her bring out her inner dork after they met through the Society for Creative Anachronism (dorks in costumes!), and together they embrace their dorkiness and are well on their way to raising another one. Both are smart, kind adults who accept and embrace others for their differences and together they're raising a pretty cool (and kinda weird) kid who will totally grow up into another awesome human being.

Second addition: Laura informs me that Chris has absolutely zero Scottish background, which makes it all the more awesome (and dorky) that he's wearing full Scottish garb. More observant (or nerdy) readers will see that he is wearing the Clan Campbell tartan. Laura is a Campbell. Dork that he is, Chris fully researched this and discovered that, having married into Clan Campbell, he is entitled to wear their tartan.

I will try my best to find my husband a Sutherland tartan in size 40 tall. And he would wear it. Because while he may have been a jock in high school he was also a card carrying member of the chess club who programmed computers for fun. In the late 80s/early 90s, before it was cool.